1. “Children don’t notice race, and if we talk about it, we might just instill prejudice in them.”
Children do notice race, just like they notice physical characteristics like height or hair color, and they notice these differences as early as 3 months. The Positive Racial Identity Development in Early Childhood (P.R.I.D.E.) program at the University of Pittsburgh found that when younger children point out what they notice about race, they are often shushed by their parents, which models to children that talking about race is something that we cannot do. If children watch the grownups in their lives freeze or frown at the mention of race, they model that behavior whether we want them to or not.
However, Dr. Aisha White, the director of the P.R.I.D.E. program, says that if the adults in their lives invest in having their own positive racial identity and exercise their own comfort and empathy in regards to race, children will model that behavior and learn how to advocate for others instead of withdraw.
2. “It’s only necessary to talk to children about race once they are able to form their own opinions and talk about them.”
Just like science, language, or social skills, we can teach children about race in a developmentally appropriate way that they understand. And unfortunately, when we wait until they are in their kindergarten years to talk about race, we are too late.
Researchers have found that by the time children are 3 years old, they already have conscious and unconscious biases towards Black boys, and when given the choice, preschoolers of any race tend to respect and prefer white teachers over black teachers. This is because racism is not just our own personal beliefs or attitudes - racism is made up of the systems of power and assumptions that we are surrounded by every day. Unless adults create the opportunity for children to talk about race positively, children will begin absorbing negative messages starting in infancy.
3. “Talking about race is very negative and can be more harmful than helpful.”
While talking about race can sometimes include sad or angry feelings, children’s identity and empathy are strengthened much more through discussion than through silence. If you don’t talk about race at all, you also can’t talk about what makes you or you friends unique or brave or beautiful. If you don’t talk about something mean your friend might hear, you can’t practice what you would say to be kind to them.
Dr. White recommends discussing the negative obstacles of race through talking to your children about historical or famous figures: “Let’s say, for example… a teacher [is] using a book about Martin Luther King Jr… the children are not only getting one message about Martin Luther King. They’re learning that he experienced segregation…It’s not all negative, even when you’re talking about the experience of racial bias towards a certain group.”
Curious about what to say to your child to begin these conversations?
